bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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