If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
