i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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