Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
