it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
