You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
