I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
