he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
