So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This toilet bowl is my home.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
