I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
