I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
