I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
