He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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