Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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