Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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