with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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