at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize