I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
