I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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