hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
