the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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