We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
