don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
