chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
