I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
