i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
