he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Drake has all the answers
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
