Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
