that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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