Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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