that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
