Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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