Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
