OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
