I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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