This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
