Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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