Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
