I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
