How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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