I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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