I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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