chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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