I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
