Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
