Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize