The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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