all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
