bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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