I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
