im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize