ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
