i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
