My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
