...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
