I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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