it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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