You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
