I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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