Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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