It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
