a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
