who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
