Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
