You're completely useless in the revolution.
farters have to be the big spoon...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
