Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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