we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize