The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
