dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize