Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
